Did you hear about the freighter bound for
A pretty girl came to a roulette table at
“Why don’t you play it on your age?” one of the men suggested.
“That’s a good idea – I’ll do it,” the girl said, and she placed the $100 bill on 21.
The wheel spun and finally came to a stop at 29.
“Oh, no!” the girl gasped and fell to the floor in a faint.
“So you are distantly related to the family next door, are you?”
“Yes – their dog is our dog’s sister-in-law and their squirrel is our squirrel’s brother-in-law.”
The year was 1910. Ceasar walked into a
“Listen mister,” raged the bartender, “we don’t serve your kind in this place.”
Ceasar simply crossed his legs and glared at the bartender. At the precise moment the earthquake hit. A chandelier dropped from the ceiling. Bottles fell behind the bar. People began screaming and running out. There was complete chaos. When the earthquake stopped the bartender stood frozen in shock.
He looked across the bar and Ceasar was still sitting there glaring at him. Ceasar lisped, “Now are you gonna serve me that s-s-s-scotch or shall I do it again?
Judge : Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case?
Juror : I don’t want to be away from my job that long.
Judge : Can’t they do without you at work?
Juror : Oh yes, your honor, but I don’t want them to know it.
Mr. Frogfled, the biology instructor at a very classy and exclusive suburban girl’s school, inquired during class, “Miss Hanson, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions.”
Whereupon, Miss Hanson inhaled sharply, then said coldly. “ Mr. Frogfled, I don’t think that is a proper question to ask me. Furthermore, I assure you my parents will hear of this.”
With that, young Miss Hanson sat down red-faced. Unperturbed, Mr. Frogfled, amidst not a few mockers, called on Miss Purvine, asking the same question. Miss Purvine, with composure, replied, “The pupil of the eye, sir; in dim light.”
“Precisely,” said Mr. Frogfled, smiling his approval.
“And now, Miss Hanson, I have three things to say to you. Firstly, you have not studied your assignment. Secondly, you have a dirty mind. And thirdly, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment.”
During a yard sale, a couple were complaining to a customer that they couldn’t seem to sell out accumulated junk at any price and would like to just give it away. The woman, an experienced garage-sale, offered a solution to their problem which did the trick. She told them to make a sign : “Kleptomaniacs are welcome - Shoplifting Encouraged.”
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