Two teenagers are arrested. The police officer tells them they are entitled to one phone call. Some time later a man enters the station and asks for them. “I suppose you’re their lawyer,” says the officer.
“No,” the man replies. “I’m here to deliver the pizza.”
There are three ways in which a man can wear his hair: parted, unparted, departed.
Tom: “My neighbor is mad because my dog knows how to fetch the evening paper.”
John :“Why would that make your neighbor angry?”
Tom: “I don’t subscribe to the paper.”
An old Scot, on his deathbed, called his best friend, Jock to his side.
Old Scot : “I bin saving a bottle of fine whiskey, and when I’m gone I want you to sprinkle it on my grave.”
Jock : Och Aye, but would ye mind if I pass it through my kidneys first?”
Mr. Jones was sued by Mrs. Johnson for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. Mr. Jones was indeed found guilty and fined. After the trial he asked the judge, “Your Honor, this means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?”
The judge said that was true.
“Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?” the man asked.
The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig “Mrs. Johnson” with no fear of legal action.
Mr. Jones grinned, looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, “Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson.”
My grand-daddy worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a young fella, and he used to tell me, when I was a little nipper, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the hard work of blacksmithing.
One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulder muscles. As he told it, he would stand outside behind the woodshed, with a five pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out from his sides and hold them there was as long as he could.
After a while he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 50 pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100 pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than two full minutes………
Then, he started putting potatoes in the sacks.
A group of ministers and a salesman’s organization were holding conventions in the same hotel, and the catering department had to work at top speed serving dinners to both. The salesmen were having a spiked watermelon for dessert. But the chef discovered that it was being served to the ministers by mistake.
“Quick!” he commanded a waiter. “Bring it back!”
The waiter returned, reporting that it was too late. The ministers were already eating the liquor-spiced treat.
“Do they like it?” asked the chef.
“Don’t know,” replied the waiter, “but they’re putting the seeds in their pockets.”
Copyright 2008 by Sujanto Rusli
http://humorandwit.blogspot.com
http://become-debt-free.blogspot.com
http://economicslessons.blogspot.com
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