Ten men and one woman are hanging on to a rope that extends down from a helicopter. The weight of 11 people is too much for the rope, so the group decides one person has to jump off.
No-one can decide who should go, until finally the woman volunteers. She gives a touching speech, saying she will sacrifice her life to save them, because women are used to giving up things for their husbands and children.
When she finishes speaking….all the men start clapping.
Two girls at the beach were admiring the passing scene, which included an athletic chap, who was strutting his best.
“That’s my kind,” said one.
“Well, I don’t know,” the other replied. “I had a friend who married a man who owned a two-car garage, but he just keeps a bicycle in it.”
The apartment was vacant but the landlord was very fussy about who it was rented to. One day a young chap appeared.
“Any children, radios, phonographs, cat, dogs or pets or any kind?” asked the landlord.
“No.” the young man answered. “But I think I ought to tell you I have a fountain pen that scratches a little.”
The lush staggered into the bar and asked for a jigger of whiskey an a jigger of water. While the mystified bartender watched, the drunk reached into his vest pocket and produced a worm, which he dropped into the jigger of water. The worm swam contentedly around in the water.
Then the lush took the worm out of the water and dropped it into the jigger of whiskey. Instantly, the worm began to wriggle frantically and in a few short moments it was dead.
“There!” roared the drunk triumphantly. “Did you see that? It proves what I always thought - drink whiskey and you’ll never have worms!”
An attorney was on his deathbed in the hospital. When a friend came to visit, he found the lawyer frantically leafing through the Bible. “What are you doing?” the visitor asked.
The sick lawyer replied, “Looking for loopholes.”
A man and wife attended church one evening, and the wife decided that it was time to stop her husband from sleeping in church. So, she took her hat pin and decided she would poke him every time he fell asleep.
Right about the first time he falls asleep, the preacher asks, “And who created the Universe?” The wife poked her husband and he awakes and yells, “My God!”
The second time he falls asleep, the preacher asks, “And who died on the cross for you?” She pokes her husband and he screams, “Jesus Christ!”
The third time, the preacher asks, “And what did Eve say to Adam the second time she was pregnant?”
The wife pokes her husband and he jumps up and yells, “By God, if you poke me with that thing one more time, I am going to break it OFF!”
When a woman stopped at the liquor store to buy some champagne for a wedding gift, the clerk asked to see her ID. “But I’m twenty-nine years old,” she protested. “I can show you pictures of my three sons to prove it.”
Unimpressed, the clerk replied:” I don’t give a damn if you’re 290 years old or how many sons, grandsons, and great grandsons and great great grandsons you have lady! Let’s show some ID, shall we? How about a driver’s license?”
Rummaging through her purse, she took out rubber worms, a matchbox car, a set of baby keys, an old sock, a smashed pack of bubble gum and a ball. But she couldn’t find her license.
“Forget it,” the clerk said suddenly. “Only a mother or a grandmother would have that kind of collection in her purse.”
Copyright 2008 by Sujanto Rusli
http://humorandwit.blogspot.com
http://economicslessons.blogspot.com
http://become-debt-free.blogspot.com
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