HUMOR AND WIT DAY 21

A junior partner in a low firm called his staff in for a meeting. “I have good news and bad news,” he said, grinning. “Which do you want first?” The staff groaned, agreed they’d better get the bad news first. “Okay,” said the junior partner, “we are going to downsize. Half of you won’t be here tomorrow. And the others may stay at a substantial reduction in salary.”
The staff stood in horrified shock. Finally, one asked in a trembling voice,
“What’s the good news?”
The boss beamed. “Half of you will still be here and I’ve been made a full partner!”

You’re getting old when you don’t care where your spouse goes, just so you don’t have to go along.

Rosa and Rickey had been married only three months when she gave birth to a bouncing baby boy. The proud grandmother was stopped on the street one day by one of her neighbors.
“Hey, I see your Rosa just had a baby after married only three months smirked and scoffed the neighbor.
“Are you surprised?” asked the new grandmother. “My Rosa is such an innocent girl, how would she know how long to carry a baby?”

A little man walks into a bar and sits down and orders a beer. He’s sitting there drinking his beer, minding his own business. Next to him sits a huge guy. All of a sudden the great big guy turns to him and, just whacks, knocks the little guy off the bar stool, across the floor, up against the wall.
The little fellow doesn’t know what hit him. He picks himself up and walks over to the bar stool and sits down. He turns to the big guy and says, “What on earth was that for?” The big guy says, “That was my karate, from Korea.”
The little fellow thinks, well this guy’s wacko. I’m going to finish my beer and get out of here. But all of a sudden the big guy turns on him again and, bang knocks the little fellow off the bar stool, across the floor, up against the wall.
The little fellow doesn’t know what hit him. He picks himself up and figures: This guy is definitely wacko. I’m going to finish my beer and get out of here.
“What was that for?” he asks. “That was my judo from Japan,” replies the brute.
The little fellow thinks, well, it’s time to exit. So he leaves.
About a half-hour later the little fellow peeks his head in the bar and the big guy is still sitting there. So he tiptoes up behind him and just goes wham!
The big fellow is down and out cold.
The bartender walks up to see what’s going on, and the little fellow looks at the bartender and says, “When that hulk comes to, you tell him that was my crowbar from K-Mart.”

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first said:” I built a big house for our mother.”
The second said:” I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.”
The third said:” You remember how mom enjoys reading the Bible. Now she can’t see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him, he’s one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot recites it.”
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks…..
“Milton,” she said, “the house you built is so huge. I live only in one room, but I have to clean the whole house.”
“Gerald,” she said, “I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes. And that driver is so rude! He’s a pain!”
“And my dearest, Donald,” she said, “the chicken was delicious!”

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.
“You’re running around with other women,” she told her mate.
“Eve, honey, you’re being unreasonable.” Adam responded. “You know you’re the only woman on earth.”
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by a strange pain in the chest. It was his darling Eve poking him rather vigorously about the torso.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Adam demanded.
“Counting your ribs,” said Eve.

To make ends meet, a woman decides to have a career outside the home. As a single parent juggling her responsibilities is not always easy. Her mother is helping by baby-sitting her 4-year old son, Tom, at her house one day.
When she stops to pick him up after work, her mom tells her that Tom has followed her into the bedroom as she put some things away in the closet.
“Grandma,” he asks, “what room is this?”
“This is a closet, Tom,” she replies.
“We don’t have a room like this in our house,” he says.
“Of course you do,” his grandma insists. “You have lots of closets at your home.”
When he again denies having closets at his house, grandma tries another tack.
“Where do you keep all your clothes?” grandma asks?”
“Well, they are just all over the house grandma,” replies Tom, “ some under the bed, some on the floor, some on my bed, some in the bathroom, some in the living room, some in the dinning room, some on the door, some on top of the cupboard, some hanging on the wall, some on the window sill, some even in our oven and fridge.”

Copyright 2008 by Sujanto Rusli
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