Holidaying in
“What’s going on?” they asked the man.
“Two horses – one chestnut, one grey – are pulling a wagon with two men,” he said. “One man is wearing a red shirt, the other a black shirt. They’re heading east.”
“Wow!” said one tourist. “You can tell all that by listening to the ground?”
“No!” he replied, “They just ran over me.”
Q: “How do you keep a fool in suspense?”
A: “I’ll tell you tomorrow.”
Q: “What’s the heaviest thing in the world?”
A: “Sh__, even Samson drops it!”
Nine-year-old Aaron came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious he’d been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened.
“Well, Dad,” said Aaron “I challenged Larry to a duel. And you know, I gave him his choice of weapons.”
“Uh-huh,” said the father, “that seems fair”
“I know, but I never thought he’d he’d choose his sister!”
Joe has a drink in a bar and leaves the waitress a tip of three dimes. The next night he comes in again and the waitress says to him, “I can tell your fortune by the tip you left last night.”
“Really?” says Joe. “Tell me.”
“All three dimes were in a row, which shows you are neat,” says the waitress. “And the first dime shows you are thrifty. The second dime shows that you are a bachelor,”
“What does the third dime show?” asks Joe.
“That dime shows that your father was a bachelor, too.”
Little Johnny’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
“Yes,” said the policeman. “The detectives want very badly to capture him.”
Little Johnny asked, “Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture!”
During the Mexican/American war, an intense long standoff occurred along the front. For days and days neither side made any advances. Finally, an American general had a bright idea. He aimed his rifle to the Mexican trenches and yelled: “Hey Juan!” …… A soldier jumped up and replied “What?” The general shot him dead. This continued for three days.
A Mexican general decided that two could play this game and decided to try it out. He called out: “Hey, John!”
An American replied: “John isn’t here…… is that you Juan?” The Mexican general stood up, “Yeah?!”…….
The self-made tycoon was bragging about the secret of his success. “I’ve always had the theory that salary is the least important part of the job,” he said. “Doing things wholeheartedly to the peak of your ability brings you greater satisfaction than money.”
“And you became rich after you convinced yourself that this was true?” asked the reporter.
“No. After I convinced the people who worked for me.”
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