A man went to visit his doctor. “What’s your problem?” asked the physician.
“When I touch my leg, it hurts,” explained the man. “ And when I touch my arm and my head, it’s really painful too.”
“I see,” said the doctor. “I think you have a broken finger.”
A white-haired old man approached his doctor and said: “Doctor, I’m slowly going nuts over women. Is there any way to speed it up?”
“What’s the problem?” asked the doctor. “If speed is all you want, just step on it my man.”
At the Woodland Hills home of Adam Hoffman, the connoisseur cat collector, a small boy’s head appeared over the fence.
“Eh, Adam,” said the boy in a meek voice, “could I please have my arrow back?”
“Sure,” said Hoffman, “where is it?”
“I think,” said the youngster, “it’s in one of your cats.”
A man was fumbling at his keyhole in the wee hours of the morning. A policeman saw the difficulty and came to the rescue.
“Can I help you to find the keyhole, sir?” he asked.
“Thash all right, old man,” said the man cheerily, “you just hold the house still and I can manage.”
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer.
“Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to “love, honor and obey’ and “forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,” I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out.” He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.
It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom’s vows, the pastor looks at the young man in the eyes and says:
“Will you promise to prostate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?”
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, “Yes.”
After the wedding, the groom pulled the pastor aside and hissed, “I thought we had a deal.”
The pastor put the $100 bill into the groom’s hand and whispered back, “She made me a much better offer.”
There’s this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-hour. Then, this big trouble making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: “Come on man, I was just joking. Here , I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t see a man crying.”
“No, it’s not that. Today is the worst day of my life. First, I overslept and was late to an important meeting. My boss, outrageous, fired me. When I left the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said they could do nothing. I got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my wallet in the cab. I got home only to find my wife was with the gardener. I left home and came to this bar. When I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison…”
A commercial flight was experiencing considerable turbulence. One first-time traveler began praying, “Lord,” he said, “I’m a rich man. If you just let this plane land safely, I’ll give you half of everything I own.”
The plane landed, and this gentleman was the first one off. In the terminal, a preacher tapped him on the shoulder. “Sir,” he said, “I was on that plane with you, and I heard your prayer. Well, I’m a man of cloth, and I’m here to collect.”
“I made the Lord a better offer,” the rich man said. “I told him if He ever catches me on a plane again, He can have it all.”
Copyright 2008 by Sujanto Rusli
http://humorandwit.blogspot.com
http://become-debt-free.blogspot.com
http://economicslessons.blogspot.com
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