A mother wanted to send a parcel to his son at college. The post-office clerk asked if the package contained anything breakable. “Yes, your neck is breakable if you don’t see to it that this parcel is delivered to my son!”
Want ad: Secretary wants job; no bad habits; willing to learn.
Broggs: When are you going on your vacation?
Huggs : I don’t know. I’ve got to wait until the neighbors get through using my suitcase.
Moke told Pete he was going to a wake, and Pete offered to tag along. On the way Pete suggested a nipper or two and they both got well sloshed.
As a result Moke couldn’t remember the address of the wake.
“Where is your friend’s house?” Pete asked.
“I forget the street but I’m sure this is the number,” slurred Moke.
They had walked along for a few minutes when Moke squinted at a house that he thought was it.
They went down in front of the piano, knelt and prayed.
Pete stopped long enough to look at the piano. “Moke,” he said, ”I don’t know your friend, but he sure has a fine set of teeth.”
Russ received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully-grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren’t expletive were, to say the least, very rude.
Russ tried hard to change the bird’s attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shook the bird and the bird just got more angry and became even more rude.
Finally, in a moment of desperation, Russ put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawk and kick and scream. Then suddenly, there was quiet – not a sound for half a minute. Russ was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto Russ’s extended arm and said: “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I will endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am trully sorry and beg your forgiveness.”
Russ was astonished at the bird’s change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued: “May I ask what the chicken did?”
A man was walking home alone one night when he hears a BUMP…BUMP…BUMP…. behind him. Walking faster, he looks back, making out an image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him… BUMP… BUMP…. BUMP…
The man begins to run towards his home, and the coffin bounces quickly after him, faster…faster …BUMP… BUMP… BUMP. He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, and locks the door behind him. However, the coffin crashes through this door, with the lid of the coffin flapping…BUMP …BUMP …BUMP… on the heels of the terrified man.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himselft in. His heart is pounding. With a CRASH, the coffin breaks down the door. Coming slowly towards him, the man screaming, reaches for something anything…..
All he can find is a box of cough drops!
Desperate, he throws the cough drops at the coffin… and… of… course, … the coffin stops!
A psychiatrist saw another psychiatrist pushing down a sofa down the street.
“Why the couch?” he asked.
“House call.” came the reply.
http://humorandwit.blogspot.com
http://economicslessons.blogspot.com
http://become-debt-free.blogspot.com
No comments:
Post a Comment