Edmund arrived at the gates of heaven. ”I’m glad to be here, but I’m curious as to what hell looks like,” he said. “I’ll tell you what,” St. Peter said. “You can see hell before you enter.” He led Edmund to an elevator. “Ride to the very bottom. When the door opens, you’ll see hell, but don’t get out of the elevator.”
An hour later, the doors opened on a frozen wasteland. Peering through the blizzard, Edmund saw huge mountains of ice. Shivering, he pushed for the button for heaven.
“I thought hell would be fire and brimstone,” he said to St. Peter, “but all I saw snow and ice. Is it always like that?”
“I take it you haven’t read the scripts they gave you for The Chronicle of Narnia, have you?” said St. Peter. “The place has been turned into a world of eternal winter the evil White Witch, Jadis. Don’t you know that Aslan is still waiting for you and your three other siblings, Lucy, Susan and Peter, to get there and free it from the Witch’s glacial powers and turn it back to fire and brimstone?”
Gretchen Alexander refused to allow her blindness to limit her life experiences. She mastered archery, golf, softball, sailing, and water skiing as well as a number of other activities her sighted friends had yet to learn.
Speaking before a group of high school students about her achievements, one student asked if there was anything she wouldn’t try. “I’ve decided to never sky dive,” she answered. “It would scare the heck out of my dog.”
Jumbo says to his friend Jombu: “I notice your neighbor doesn’t let his chickens run loose anymore. Why is that?
Replies Jombu: “Well, I hid ten eggs under a bush the other night. Next day I made sure he saw me collect the eggs.
The man stood at the bar for hours telling the bartender about all his great exploits. “Now,” said the bartender, “supposing you tell me something you can’t do.”
“Well,” said the man. “For one thing – I can’t pay the bill.”
Two physicians boarded a flight out of
“No problem,” said the attorney, “I’ll get it for you. “While he was gone, one of the physicians picked up the attorney’s shoe and put a thumbtack in it. When he returned with the coke, the other physician said, “That looks good, I think I’ll have one too.” Again, the attorney obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the other physicians picked up the other shoe and put a tack in it. The attorney returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.
As the plane was landing, the attorney slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. “How long must this go on?” he asked. “This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This putting tacks in shoes and spitting in cokes?”
A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, “Timothy proposed to me and hour ago.”
“Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked.
“Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn’t even believe there’s a Hell.”
Her mother replied, “Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we’ll show him how wrong he is.”
Grandpa was fond of long stories about his days as a war veteran and usually found attentive listeners. This time, however, the audience included his granddaughter’s boss, whom she was eager to impress.
“Mom, do something,” the granddaughter whispered frantically. “Go in there and head him off the pass.”
Q: What kind of a horse has its legs pointing upward?
A: A horse which lies on its back.
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