Parents of a junior-high students are asked to fill in enrollment forms with such data as the student’s address, birth date, religion, etc. One question calls for, “Language spoken at home.” One form returned with the question answered, “You name it, we’ve got it – slang, broken, dirty, indecent, cursing, blasphemy, cuss, expletive, sarcastic, impolite, swearing, scolding. Take your pick!”
If matrimony makes people live beyond their means, advertising makes people buy things they don’t need, with the money they don’t have, to impress people they don’t like.
Mr. Thomson noticed his neighbor, Mr. Samgrandson, searching very hard for something in his front garden.
“Have you lost something, Mr. Samgrandson?” asked Mr. Thomson.
“Yes.” replied Mr. Samgrandson. “I have misplaced my glasses.”
Mr. Thomson asked, “Where did you last see them?”
“In my basement.” said Mr. Samgrandson.”
“In your basement?” queried Mr. Thomson. “So why are you looking for them in your garden?”
“Oh.” replied Mr. Samgrandson, ”there is more light out here in my garden!”
A drunk raced after a fire engine, but collapsed exhausted after a hundred yards.
“All right,” he shouted. “Keep your rotten ice-cream.”
A mangy-looking guy goes into a watering-hole and orders a drink. The bartender says “No way. I don’t think you can pay for it.”
The guy says, “You’re right. I don’t have any money, but if I show you something you haven’t seen before, will you give me a drink?”
The bartender says: “Only if what you show me ain’t lewd.”
“Deal!” says the guy, as he reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, down a barstool, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the keyboard and starts playing Gershwin songs. And the hamster is really good.
The bartender says, “You’re right. I’ve never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano.” The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another.
“Money or another miracle else no drink,” says the bartender.
The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous voice and great pitch, a fine singer.
A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog. The guy says: “It’s a deal.” He takes the three hundred and gives the frog to the stranger, who runs out of the bar with it.
The bartender says to the guy, “Are you some kind of nut?! You sold a singing frog for $300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy!”
“Not so,” says the guy. “The hamster is also a ventriloquist!”
As she walked up the store’s fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, “ I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?”
“On sale today, just one kiss per yard,” replied the young agent behind the counter.
“That’s fine,” replied the young lady, flashing a gorgeous smile, “I’ll take 12 yards.”
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly.
The girl snapped up the package, turned to go and pointed to a little old man chewing tobacco beside her.
“Grandpa will pay the bill,” she said.
An elderly couple went to
Q: What does a frog say when it sees a coin?
A: Grab it!
Copyright 2008 by Sujanto Rusli
http://humorandwit.blogspot.com
http://become-debt-free.blogspot.com
http://economicslessons.blogspot.com
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