HUMOR AND WIT DAY 9

There are people who spend their entire lives working with an attitude not unlike Snoopy, the cherished Peanuts cartoon pet. Snoopy sat droopy-eyed at the entrance of his dog house lamenting, ”Yesterday I was a dog. Today I’m a dog. Tomorrow I’ll probably still be a dog. SIGH. There’s so little hope for advancement!”

“Hello. Are you using your lawn-mower this afternoon?
“Yes. I’m afraid I am.”
“Good! Then you wouldn’t be using your tennis racket, would you?” I’ve broken mine!”

Whiskey may not cure the flu…But it fails more agreeably than most things.

An old man goes to his doctor, complaining about a pain in his leg that doesn’t heal and wants a diagnosis and explanation. The doctor checks out his leg, but can’t find anything wrong. So he gives the old man a full physical exam, and still can’t come up with any possible explaination for the pain.
The doctor hands the patient his bill and says. “I’m sorry but the pain in your leg is simply caused by old age, there’s nothing I can do about it.” The old man replies with a look of disbelief, “That’s impossible! That can’t be!”
The doctor says, “What do you mean? I’m the expert here; if you know so much, how can you say it’s NOT old age?”
The patient answers, “I’m no doctor but it doesn’t take a medical degree to tell that your diagnosis is wrong. Clearly you’re mistaken. After all my other leg feels just fine.”
“So what?” says the doctor. “What difference does that make?”
“Well it doesn’t hurt a bit, and it’s the SAME AGE!”

A lone cowpoke rode into town and stopped at the local waterin’ hole for a drink. The locals had a habit of picking on strangers and when finished his drink and headed out, his horse was missing....
He stormed back into the bar, flipped his gun into the air, snatched it above his head without even looking and drilled three holes in the ceiling.
“Fess up! Which one of you sidewinders stole ma hoss?” he demanded with surprising forcefulness.
Silence…No one answered….No one moved….
“Alright, I’m gonna have another cold one here, and if ole Blue ain’t back out front BY THE TIME I’M DONE, I’M GONNA DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS! AND BELIEVE ME, I DON’T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS!”
Some of the locals shifted restlessly.
He had another beer, walked outside and there was ole Blue! He swings up into the saddle and starts to ride out of town.
The bartender wanders out of the bar and asks. “Say partner, before you go…I’ve got to know…what happened in Texas?”
The cowboy reined in, turned back and said, “I had to walk home.”

Before leaving for Club Scouts one evening. My friend’s son couldn’t find a clean handkerchief. His busy mother reminded him, “A good cub thinks for himself.” Her son dashed from the room and within minutes was saying good-bye.Some time later, going upstairs to her son’s bedroom, her mother made a startling discovery – a neat square had been cut out of the middle of the pillowcase.

Q: Where do you find a horse with no head?
A: Exactly where you left it.

Copyright 2008 by Sujanto Rusli
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