A couple of salesmen walk into a dinner, order drinks and pull lunches from their briefcases. “Sorry,” the bartender says, “but you can’t eat your own food here.”
A young Canadian man stood before Beethoven’s piano in a
“Oh, yes,” replied the man. “Recently Paderewski was here.”
“Paderewski!” exclaimed the visitor.” Certainly he must have played something wonderful.”
“On the contrary; he did not feel worthy to touch it.”
When she reached the office, Jontoro told her secretary, “Boy, did we throw a big party outside last night!”
“Really? Tell me, was that obnoxious pig neighbor of yours there?”
“Was he?” That was the big party we threw outside!”
Pete slipped and fell five stories. He awoke and found the doctor holding out a drink of water for him. “For God sake,” Pete exclaimed. “How far must a man fall before he gets a whiskey?”
Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. They decided to party instead. Their biggest exam was on Friday and they showed up telling the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tire and they needed a bit more time to study.
The professor told them that they could have another day to study. That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything.
Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to separate classrooms to take the exam. Each shrugged and went to two different parts of the building. As each sat down, they read the first question.
“For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom,” At this point, they both thought that this was going to be a piece of cake, and answered the question with ease. Then, the test continued. “For 95 points, tell me which tire it was.”
A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks the farmer, ‘Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?”
Farmer: Something you just can’t explain.
Man: So what happened that’s so horrible?
Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got to the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket.
Man: Ok, but that’s not so bad.
Farmer: Some things you just can’t explain.
Man: So what happened then?
Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.
Man: and then?
Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.
Man: Again?
Farmer: Some things you just can’t explain.
Man: So, what did you do then?
Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.
Man: and then?
Farmer: Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.
Man: Hmmm….
Farmer: Some things you just can’t explain.
Man: So, what did you do?
Farmer: Well, I didn’t have any more rope, do I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in……
The traveler was sneaking a half-gallon bottle across the Mexican border when U.S. Customs official searched him. Upon discovering the bottle, the official asked the man what it contained.
“It’s just holy water,” the traveler replied. “I took it from the shrine I visited.”
Doubting him, the inspector opened the bottle and took a sniff.
“This is tequila!” he shouted.
“Good heavens!” cried the traveler, looking up to the sky.
“Yet another miracle!”
Q: Why do chickens cross the road?
A: To get to the other side.
Copyright 2008 by Sujanto Rusli
http://humorandwit.blogspot.com
http://become-debt-free.blogpost.com
http://economicslessons.blogspot.com
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