Three old friends are taking a memory test. The doctor asked the first, “What’s one times one?” “972” he answers.
“Hm.” The doctor turns to the second man. “What’s one times one?”
“Friday,” he replies.
“What’s one times one?” the doc asks the last man.
“One,” he answers.
“Great,” the doctor says. “How did you get that?”
“Simple. I divided 972 from Friday.”
A bright junior executive struggled to achieve company quotas assigned to her. While at lunch one day, she asked her senior mentor how he managed the multiple priorities in his job.
“I learned a long time ago,” responded the seasoned veteran, “that there are basically three ways to get things done. You can do it yourself, get someone else to do it, or ask your children not to do it.”
A certain little lad was always playing in a neighbor’s backyard, much to the neighbor’s disgust. One day when the boy was again rushing around in the back yard making Red Indian war whoops, the neighbor leaned out of an upstairs window and angrily yelled. “Didn’t I tell you not to let me catch you there again?”
“Yes,” called the boy, “but you haven’t caught me once yet!”
“Do you expect the court to be lenient because you’ve been brought in on drunk and disorderly charges fifteen times?”
“Yes, Your Honor. I want to be treated like a steady and frequent customer.”
A man’s business trip is cancelled and he is at home with a rather nervous wife. They go to bed, but about midnight, the phone rings. The man rolls over and answers….”Hello?” “What?” “How the hell should I know, I live in
He hangs up and his wife asks, “Who was it dear?”
“Just some idiot who wanted to know if the coast was clear!”
When I was in junior-high, all I wanted was a girl with great figure. In high school, I dated a girl with great figure, but there was no passion. So, I decided I needed a passionate girl. In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency and she cried all the time. So I decided I needed a girl with some stability. I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She never got excited about anything. So I decided I needed a girl with some excitement. I found an exciting girl, but I couldn’t keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She was directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some ambition.
After college, I found an ambitious girl and married her. But, she was so ambitious that she soon divorced me and took everything I owned.
Now, all I want is a girl with great figure!
I had to make an urgent phone call to a friend who was working a late-shift at the Voice of America relay station near
“Hello,” I said, “Is this the Voice of America?”
“No.” came the annoyed reply, “this is the voice of Abdul.”
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