After a long-overdue checkup, a dentist sat down with his patient to go over all the work the patient would need on her mouth. Her total estimate was $20,000. The patient gasped. “For that kind of money, I could get a tummy tuck and silicone implants for my breasts.”“But what about your smile?” the dentist asked.
The story is told of a community-minded business person being honored for his contributions to the community. Grateful citizens gathered for a testimonial dinner to thank the man for his giving spirit. In introducing the well-respected man, the Chamber of Commerce President shared a long list of his accomplishments, including being president of a large manufacturing company, possessing several real estate holdings, having spearheaded a host of economic development projects, and an exhausting list of voluntary involvements.
“Your support is overwhelming.” Said the honored man when he began to speak. “Many of you are well aware of my accomplishments and that not one of them would have been possible without your help. For I came to this community with the clothes I was wearing and a paper bag containing all my worldly belongings.”
At the close of the speech, a young admirer asked, ”What was in the bag?”
“My million dollar inheritance,” came the reply.
Peter: Good evening, buddy. Thought I’d drop in and see you about the umbrella you borrowed from me last week.
Peter: Well, not for myself, but the fellow I borrowed it from says the owner wants it.
Sammy was brought before the court, accused of peddling a bottle of liquor without a license.
“Look at this man,” his lawyer said to the jury. “Do you honestly think if he had a quart of whiskey he would sell it?”
The jury took one look and found him not guilty.
A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver. “Ma’am, is there a reason that you’re weaving all over the road?”
The woman replied, “Oh officer, thank goodness you’re here! I almost had an accident. I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!”
Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, “Ma’am…that’s your air freshener.”
Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time whilst stuck behind bars. On the bus, one turned to another and said,” So what did you bring?”
The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the “Grandma Moses of Jail.”
Then he asked the first, “What did you bring?”
The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said, “I brought cards, I can play poker, solitaire and gin, and any number of games.”
The third convict was sitting quietly aside grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, “Why are you so smug? What did you bring?”
The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. “I brought these.”
The other two were puzzled and asked, “What can you do with those?”
He grinned and pointed to the box and said, “Well, according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating…”
While calling a resort to reserve accommodations for a long weekend, I inquired about the rates. I was told that they varied, depending on whether I wanted a view of the mountain of a view of the lake. “How much of a difference is there between the two?” I asked. The voice on the other end replied, “Well, one’s hill and the other’s water.”
Q: Ever wonder why a cat always looks back when it walks down an alley?
A: Because it doesn’t have a rear view mirror.
Copyright 2007 by Sujanto Rusli
http://humorandwit.blogspot.com
http://become-debt-free.blogspot.com
http://economicslessons.blogspot.com
No comments:
Post a Comment