HUMOR AND WIT DAY 13

The inmate was aware that all prison mail passes through censors. When he got a letter from his wife asking about the family garden – “Honey, when do I plant potatoes?” – he wrote back, “Do not, under any circumstances, dig up our old garden spot. That’s where I buried all my guns.”Within days his wife wrote back, “Six investigators came to the house. They dug up every square inch of the back yard.”By return mail she got his answer : “Now is the time to plant potatoes.”

A man who lives in the suburbs of Los Angeles and who works in the advertising department of a large metropolitan newspaper had never been able to figure out the deferential attitude, bordering on awe, of the children in the block towards him. Recently, he was walking around the block for a little stroll and he came upon a group of little boys discussing the newest American satellite as it hurtled through orbital space around the earth. As he paused to say hello to the youngsters, everything suddenly became clear when one of the boys said to him: “Are you really a space salesperson?”

Thompson was more than a little annoyed when a neighbor telephoned at 2 a.m. and complained, “Your dog is barking so loudly that I can’t sleep.”
The neighbor hung up before he could protest.
The following morning at 2 a.m., 3 a.m., 4 a.m., 5 a.m., and 6 a.m.,Thompson called his neighbor every morning for the next 7 days and said, “I don’t have a dog!”

A man in agitated state rushed into a pub. “Has anybody here got a large black cat with a white collar?” he asked.
Nobody answered. He tried again. “Does anybody have a large black cat with a white collar?” But still nobody answered.
“Oh dear,” he murmured. “I must have run over the preacher.”

A woman walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for her daughter. “How much is that Barbie in the window?”, she asks the shop assistant. In a condescending manner she responds, “Which Barbie? We have….
Barbie Goes to the Gym for $29.95
Barbie Goes to the Ball for $29.95
Barbie Goes Shopping for $29.95
Barbie Goes to the Beach for $29.95
Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $29.95
And Divorced Barbie for $ 2,995.”
The woman asks, “Why is Divorced Barbie $ 2,995 when all others are only $29.95?”
“That’s obvious,” the assistant states, “Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, Ken’s boat, Ken’s furniture…”

A couple of senior couples were strolling along, wives in front, husbands in back chatting. Bernie turns to Marv and says, “Ya know, we went to a new restaurant last night and had the best meal ever. Great prices, too.”
Marv smiles and says, “Well, we like to eat out too. So what was the name of this fine new eatery?”
Bernie says, “You’ll going to have to help me out here a little. What’s the name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, often red, grows on a thorny bush?”
Marv grins again, “Well now, Bernie, sounds like a rose to me…”
“Yes, yes, that’s it!” cries Bernie, then he calls ahead to his wife…
“Rose! Rose, honey, what was the name of that little restaurant we ate at last night?”

A steak fanatic, my friend always picks out cuts that include a bone because he loves to nibble on it. One night he and his wife were finishing their dinner at a steak-house, his wife could tell that he wanted to start gnawing on the bone. But he couldn’t bear to do so in public. “Excuse me,” he said, calling the waitress over, “ Would you please wrap this bone up for my dog?” My friend has never owned a dog in his life, but the white lie seemed a tactful solution for his dilemma. A few minutes later the waitress returned to his table.
“Here’s your bone, sir,” she said, handing over a large package. “And while I was in the kitchen, I grabbed a few more out of the scrap bucket.”

Copyright 2008 by Sujanto Rusli
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